suburbabble.

So it was my daughter’s 10th birthday this weekend.

By which I mean she won’t actually turn 10 until August.

But by then she’ll be away at camp for the summer.

And since turning 10 is kind of a big deal we decided to celebrate a few months early by throwing her a ‘Stache Bash in the backyard.

I meannnn.

How freaking cute are these little dudes?

I wish I could take some of the credit, but this theme was all the nine-year-old.

So how’d we get this straight-up crew of girlie girls to man up for the day?

For starters, when they first arrived we had them change into plain old Hanes wife beaters, which they then accessorized with colorful duct tape “suspenders." 

Then we handed out stick-on 'staches, glittery bowler hats and big oaktag neckties and markers and let them get their Project Runway on.

We also gave each girl a name tag and had her choose a new manly moniker to help get into character.

Stand-outs included: Charlie Swordfish, Shamalama Dingdong and – my personal fave – one Mr. Bob Toilet.

Transformation into Boys in the 'Hood = Complete.

Also?

As each girl came in we may or may not have had her pose with the birthday girl on a custom step and repeat.

What?

You only hit double digits for the first time once, so you might as well do it on a red carpet.

Or at least on a 3 x 4 piece of one lying on your kitchen floor.

This Hollywood moment came courtesy of redcarpetrunway.com, by the way.

And yes.

This bad boy is still set up in my kitchen.

Because why just stumble out of bed every morning to grab a cup of coffee when you can turn it into a full-scale, paparazzi-worthy production?

Think about it.

Anyway.

Once the girls were finished with their fifteen minutes, we shifted gears with a balloon-shaving race that ended in a huge shaving cream fight.

Because boys will be boys, duh!

So we hosed off our future WWE contestants and moved onto The Stache Dash, a relay race event where the kids attempted to paint mustaches on each other.

While blindfolded!

Watch the resulting hilarity ensue!

Next up:

"I Mustache You A Question." 

Are you thinking that I’m as good as making up game names as Andy Cohen?

Because I’m thinking that OPI could turn this one into a nice shimmery brown polish.

You know you would totally buy it.

Anyway.

For this challenge the girls had to race to answer mustache-themed pop culture riddles on dry-erase paddles.

Here’s an example:

"Name the 'stache-wearing dude who plays his real-life daughter’s dad on a TV show where she is a rockstar teenager who gets the best of both worlds.”

The answer was Billy Ray Cyrus in case you’re still pondering that massive run-on sentence.

Or “Hannah Montana’s Dad!” if you’re my 39-year-old brother who’s so excited he knows the answer that he can’t help but blurt it out, effectively leaving a bunch of bewildered nine-year-olds in the dust.

Here’s another one for you:

“This healthy drink is good for your bones and can give you a temporary mustache… got it?”

This contestant’s answer was just a tad off the mark:

Priceless!

You just can’t make this stuff up!

I mean I could.

But I didn’t.

You know what I did make up?

This tricked out birthday cake, yo!

True story.

See, the nine-year-old is ridiculously opinionated when it comes to cake. Meaning she only likes the kind that costs $18 at SuperFresh and is smothered in white icing that tastes nothing at all like icing but actually a little like whipped cream.

So I went ahead and ordered her a blank half-sheet, hightailed it over to Michael’s to score a bunch of pre-colored fondant, then went home to get my Cake Boss on.

I’ve never worked with fondant before and it was definitely challenging but somehow still fun, although – full disclosure – that could have been the four glasses of wine. Even so, it took me until one o'clock in the freaking morning to finish this sucker.

And I’ve got the dark circles under my eyes to prove it.

Meanwhile, in addition to the cake I thought it would be kind of cool to carry out the mustache theme with a self-serve milk-and-cookie bar.

Or, you know… a veggie smoothie and cookie bar.

See what I did there?

The cookie bar was a HUGE hit with the Stache Bash posse, and so simple to organize that I highly recommend it for your next fake birthday party.

I unearthed most of the props you see here on etsy, including the water bottle labels, cookie favor bags, chalkboard stands, and the handcrafted burlap banner.

But my hands down favorite accoutrement (!) was this cute little “Even my milk mustache is awesome” sticker that I found on zazzle.

Are you digging the milk mustache on this five-year-old version of the birthday girl?

I was, too… until the current nine-year-old model went and pointed out that there wasn’t actually any milk on the milk-and-cookie bar.

Oops.

My bad!

And now, for my last trick of the day, I give you …

The amazing Photobelle Photo Booth!

Stick one in your backyard and watch every guest at your party disappear inside!

No joke.

I scored a groupon for Photobelle a few months back and figured the 'Stache Bash would be the perfect place to test it out.

To say that the kids had a blast vamping for the cam with all the killer props would be a ridiculously crazy understatement, so I’ll just go ahead and let the pictures (which the kids took home as party favors, and which owners Jamille and Reggie also posted in a gallery on the Photobelle facebook page before the end of the night) speak for themselves.

See what I mean?

We even managed to squeeze the entire fam into the booth for a few shots.

Because the family that gets their photo booth freak on together, stays together.

And if that’s not already like a law or something then it totally should be!

Now that this post is officially longer than the party, I’m off to go pick the kiddos up from school.

So that’s a wrap!

You know I’d love to stay and chat some more.

But now I really mustache.

Oh please.

Like you didn’t totally see that coming.

So I’ve been meaning to post some pics on here from the almost-eight-year-old’s Survivor B-day Bash because a bunch of you have been asking.

Ok.

That’s a lie.

No one’s been asking.

I just feel like posting them so sue me.

But someone did call yesterday and ask for advice on throwing a Survivor-themed company retreat.

So there you go.

Ok. so these are the invites.

Which we delivered by hand about a month before the party.

What? Doesn’t everybody do that?

I basically swiped a Survivor logo from somewhere on the internets, then printed out a bunch of these bad boys, rolled them up, tied them with red string and placed them inside these handy plastic bottles that I ordered online (see below), and which came pre-filled with flowers, shells and sand.

Because even if you can’t tell, I’m a big fan of shortcuts.

Especially when the invite delivery process takes upwards of two freaking hours.

Next up came the buffs.

We needed two styles – one for each tribe, which we divided alphabetically in case you were wondering.

My daughter was adamant about selecting something her friends could wear long after the party was over.

Because no eight-year-old girl’s wardrobe is complete without a buff.

Like, duh!

Anyway. Now you know why both tribes ended up wearing different shades of pink tricked out with skulls and crossbones.

As with the invites, we hand delivered these babies the night before the party in brown paper bags punctuated with Survivor stickers, along with a note instructing the girls to show up sporting their buff somewhere on their body the next day.

Here’s a few shots of the house decked out pre-party in full Survivor 8 mode.

Because it was her 8th birthday party. 

Get it?

And here’s me gettin’ my Probst on:

You know… if Probst was a girl with an affinity for Ken Paves hair extensions.

The first few players arrive… and it turns out not one of them is on the birthday girl’s tribe.

You can tell by the second shot that she’s really taking it hard.

Finally, we have our two tribes assembled.

But what to call them?

Challenge #1:

Each tribe was given a list of various African and Hawaiian monikers and definitions, and they had 10 minutes to choose a team name (they would later have to explain why) and then decorate their team banner, which had to feature every single one of their John Hancocks.

Yay for Saturday homework!

Once finished, each tribe to hold up their banner and yell “Survivors Ready!”

Because we’re hardcore around here, that’s why.

The Dark Pink Team became the ZOLA Tribe.

Because Zola = Love.

And the Light Pink team became the BARIKA Tribe.

Because Barika = Success.

I know.

How freaking awesome are these girls?

Challenge #2 involved setting up the separate tribal camps.

I had originally planned to have the tent building be a part of this challenge. But when a test run proved too difficult for, uh, me, I reworked the challenge so that the tents would already be constructed when the girls got there.

A peek inside would reveal one sleeve of Saltine crackers and two bottles of water (which they had to ration for the entire length of the game), a bag of rice, a pot and a portable grill.

At the sound of the whistle (because you know I had one), each tribe had to collect 10 ping pong balls from the lawn and bring them to me one by one. 

As soon as they had their 10, they had to hightail it to their “camp,” gather the materials from inside their tent, construct their grill and then place the big pot on top and fill it with the rice.

The first tribe to finish and yell “Survivors Ready” won a king-size Kit Kat bar.

I’m happy to report the Zolas took this one with ease.

Which meant I wasn’t tempted to cheat even a little bit!

Challenge #3 was a puzzle challenge. 

I know.

Yawn.

I mean, I basically bought two of the exact same puzzles, put each one in a Ziploc, then handed one bag to each team without showing them a picture of the finished product. Whichever team finished piecing their puzzle together first, wins.

But while this challenge may have required the least amount of work on my end, it totally ended being the biggest nail biter of the day.

The tribes were literally neck and neck the entire time – which was more exciting than it sound – and to my amazement,ended up finishing in a tie.

A round of popsicles for everybody!

Because it was 90 degrees out and you couldn’t have picked a worse day to play Survivor.

Next up: Challenge #4, aka The Gross Food Challenge.

Which was in reality an awesome candy challenge.

Because I took things like gummy worms and chocolate covered graham crackers and rainbow Nerds and renamed them to try and freak out the girls.

Mom of the Year, baby!

Each tribe sent up one member at a time, and the first one to finish the contents of their cup and stick out their tongue was the winner.

This challenge was a huge hit, bringing out team spirit at its best, with the girls literally chanting each other’s names at the top of their voices.

I do have one side note, however, for anyone planning on trying this at home:

You may want to 86 the black licorice and red sprinkles.

Because the first resulted in the game’s one and only forfeit.

And the latter… well, let’s just say there may have been some spit-up involved.

Not one of my proudest moments as party host.

Lieke I said: Mom of the Year.

But if it makes you feel any better, the spitter opted to get right back out there and swallow a gummy worm.

And don’t worry.

I swear it wasn’t soaked in tequila.

;

Challenge #5 was lifted directly from a color war event from the sleepaway camp I attended as a child.

Because imitation is the sincerest form of plagarism.

I had both teams remove their shoes and place them in one big pile, which the husb and I then tossed around like a giant salad for a good half a minute.

At the sound of the whistle (which I may or may not have started abusing at this point), the girls had to make a mad dash to find their shoes, put them on, tie them and return to camp.

First ones to make it back scored five minutes inside in the air conditioning.

Because I’m not Mrs. Seinfeld, after all.

Is this post longer than the actual party or is it just me?

Challenge 6: The Bucket Brigade.

We had both teams line up facing each other and then, using one small Dixie cup, they had to empty the contents of the water-filled bucket on one end and fill the empty bucket on the other.

The Zola tribe had one extra member, so my mom gamely offered to pitch in for the Barika tribe. If you squint real hard you can see her tiny blonde head there on the back left.

Good sport, right?

And maybe she was their good luck charm because she brought them home a win.

I think the reward was a giant Hershey bar, but at this point it is all starting to blend together.

Finally… the last challenge: How Well Do You Know The Birthday Girl?

Each girl was given a small chalkboard, an eraser thingy and a piece of chalk. When I asked them a question – What is Emma’s favorite color? Who is Emma’s favorite singer? – they had to write down the answer as fast as they could. If their answer matched Emma’s at the time I blew the whistle (!!!), they scored a point for their team.

Two things surprised me about this challenge.

Number 1: The girls turned out to be a bunch of little cheaters, blatantly sneaking peeks off each other’s boards.

And Number 2? Not one of them could answer the question “Who did Emma want to win Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains this season?”

Sorry, Parvati!

\

And the overall winners of Survivor 8: Becker Island were… the Zola Tribe!

Here’s the b-day girl and a few of her fellow tribemate rocking the immunity idol, which I made out of a tiki torch I bought for three bucks at Five Below, topped with a Dream Catcher my four-year-old made in pre-school.

Because we’re crafty like that. 

The final reward was this insane cake designed by my daughter, and these awesome life-size Chinese restaurant parasols for the girls to take home that I ordered, once again, somewhere online.

In case you were wondering what it was us stay-at-home moms actually do all day.

So what was my reward for getting my Probst on for two-and-a-half hours in 90 degree heat? 

You know, besides the inherent joy of getting to watch the smile on my daughter’s face?

Dinner and drinks later that night at R2L + good friends + a car service.

And this time, there was tequila involved.

Also?

I may or may not have brought the whistle.