TGIF to all my stay-at-home suburban housebitches!
Because they’re the ones who know that even these glasses aren’t big enough.
(Source: anderson)
People get lost thinking of happiness as a destination.
--One Tree Hill
Just wondering.
Is this how your husband changes the paper towel roll?
Look what I just found in the bottom of the six-year-old’s backpack:
An Eli Manning tangram!
A what?
A TANGRAM…. one of those Chinese puzzle things where you use seven geometric shapes to form another specific shape.
Or, you know, the likeness of Eli Manning.
I may not be a fan of Big Blue.
But even I have to admit this is pretty freaking cool.
So what’s a Giants fan doing in the heart of Eagles country?
Don’t worry.
I’m pretty sure that before Christmas Eve this would have been a picture of Michael Vick.
Bandwagons, FTW!
Aw, man.
I totally forgot to post this.
Late to the party as usual.
Whatevs.
Sparkle on!
Ok look.
I never thought I’d be sitting here writing about sex toys either.
But this one is hot pink!
And waterproof!
And in light of the whole Fifty Shades frenzy that has us all using phrases like “ben wa balls” and “kinky fuckery” in casual car-line conversation, I’m kinda thinking there aren’t many more hard rules.
And I know you all know what I mean.
So if you’ve finished the last book and it’s left you feeling as frustrated as Ana at the masked ball, I’ll let you in on a little secret:
Fab.com is currently rocking a Jimmyjane flash sale on luxury sex toys.
And you thought this was gonna be a post about pink plastic bowling pins.
Anyway.
This cute little sucker — i’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere — goes by the name Form 4 Vibrator.
But you can call it a “vibe” if it makes you feel better.
(It totally does, right?)
And if not, maybe this description will:
Though strong and firm, Form 4 also has a bit of give—just like a good lover. While the shape adapts to your body, the over-sized motor provides exceptional power, exactly where you crave it.
Hot damn!
Fab is offering this bad boy — plus a bunch of other cryptically-names toys like the Iconic Ring and the Little Steel — for 30 percent off while supplies last.
And you’ll find them all under the “Guide To a Cliche-Free Valentine’s Day”.
Cliche-free and Fifty-free, baby!
But apparently not orgasm-free.
So stop biting your lip and go get one.
Super Bowl 2012 starring MADONNA, with special guests the New York Giants and the New England Patriots.
I mean.
I can’t even sit through my own wedding video, let alone somebody else’s.
Lamest. Housewife. Finale. Ever.
Even Brandi’s nipples didn’t show up.
Don’t judge people too quickly. All will become evident in the end.
--Lisa Vanderpump
You know what makes a great snack on a day of freezing rain and hail?
An ice cold slushy from Slushy Magic!
As seen on TV!
No ice!
No blender!
No mess!
Just freeze, pour and shake!
Transforms any drink into a slushy in less than a minute!
Using snowflake science.
Which was, like, totally my favorite subject back in middle school, duh!
Your kids didn’t sucker you into buying one two four of these like mine did?
Then you are a way stronger but perhaps slightly less cool parent than I am.
Gotta say though.
As long as you’re down with a slushy that looks like it sat out in the sun for a little too long and tastes nothing like the ones you get at 7-11, then this shiz is da bomb.
And — now pay attention because this is the best part — when you’re done with your slushy, you can rinse out the container, plug it in, and use it as a Shake Weight!
Fine.
I made that last part up.
But still.
You SO wanna go buy one of these bad boys now, don’t you?
Wait.
So now I have to leave my brand new 22,000 square-foot Brentwood mansion to go freeze my ass off in Indianapolis?
Don’t they know I’m a freaking SUPERMODEL?!
I mean… I used to date LEO!
Filha da puta!
Is it too late to call an audible and give Tom back to Bridget?
So the six-year-old just stuffed rolled up t-shirts into the arms of his shirt, stole one of the throw pillows off my bed and is currently re-enacting every single play of the Giants game five seconds after it happens.
That’s some legit state of the art instant replay right there, baby!
