Shakespeare turns 450 today.

And everything I know about him and that Polonius guy I learned by watching Clueless.

To thine own self be true, bitches!

Shakespeare turns 450 today.

And everything I know about him and that Polonius guy I learned by watching Clueless.

To thine own self be true, bitches!

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Livin’ that LA life.

It’s official.

The 11-year-old is way cooler than me.

#ombrehairdontcare

Livin’ that LA life.

It’s official.

The 11-year-old is way cooler than me.

#ombrehairdontcare

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Wine is not beer and popcorn is not dinner. 

Except on Scandal Thursdays.

Suit up, Gladiators!

Wine is not beer and popcorn is not dinner.

Except on Scandal Thursdays.

Suit up, Gladiators!

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Not gonna lie.
I had no idea cuticle tattoos were a thing.
I may be tardy to the party, but you know am I going to take these babies out for a test drive.
Because I’m sure 44-year-old housewives are totally the target demographic here.
Get your own set at Sephora.
thefrisky:

Not gonna lie.

I had no idea cuticle tattoos were a thing.

I may be tardy to the party, but you know am I going to take these babies out for a test drive.

Because I’m sure 44-year-old housewives are totally the target demographic here.

Get your own set at Sephora.

thefrisky:

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So What’s The Best Compliment You’ve Ever Gotten?
This question just popped up on my news feed — thank you wineandglitterplease! — so I thought I’d take a minute to answer it.
It was my sophomore year in college.
And it was Mardi Gras.
And let me just stop you right here to say that this is in no way about to turn into some slutty Girls Gone Wild story.
#sorrynotsorry
Anyway, it’s about 3 pm on a Friday, and my friends and I have just met a bunch of guys from Michigan while hanging on the Tulane quad listening to live music. Or maybe they were from Syracuse. Or Emory. Doesn’t matter. When the concert ends, we all decide to walk back to my apartment for drinks. Because we’re 19 and it’s Mardi Gras and well, duh!
So we’re all sitting around the dining room table doing shots and playing I Never when the phone rings. I pick it up — because it’s 1989 when people still feel compelled to answer a ringing telephone —  and it’s my mom on the line.
Total buzzkill.
But I chat with her for a while anyway as the revelry continues around me, then hang up, light a Merit Ultra Light and mumble something like “If my mom could only see me now what would she think?” before downing like my 10th shot of Jim Beam.
"You know what she’d be thinking?" It’s one of the guys from Michigan. Or Syracuse. Or Emory. And he’s yelling to me from the other side of the table. "She’d be thinking about how proud she is to have a daughter with such an awesome personality."
Wait, what?!
So random and simple… and yet so totally mind-blowing.
Maybe it’s because it came from a complete stranger. Or because it was so unexpected. Or because it effectively stopped me in my tracks and forced me to view the moment differently.
Or maybe it was just because this dude had clearly never met my mother, who would most definitely have been more Team I-Didn’t-Raise-You-To-Drink-and-Smoke-and-Pick-Up-Strange-Men than Team Awesome Personality.
But what freaking EVER because for the moment I felt amazing and that’s what they invented the Decline button for, amiright?

So What’s The Best Compliment You’ve Ever Gotten?

This question just popped up on my news feed — thank you wineandglitterplease! — so I thought I’d take a minute to answer it.

It was my sophomore year in college.

And it was Mardi Gras.

And let me just stop you right here to say that this is in no way about to turn into some slutty Girls Gone Wild story.

#sorrynotsorry

Anyway, it’s about 3 pm on a Friday, and my friends and I have just met a bunch of guys from Michigan while hanging on the Tulane quad listening to live music. Or maybe they were from Syracuse. Or Emory. Doesn’t matter. When the concert ends, we all decide to walk back to my apartment for drinks. Because we’re 19 and it’s Mardi Gras and well, duh!

So we’re all sitting around the dining room table doing shots and playing I Never when the phone rings. I pick it up — because it’s 1989 when people still feel compelled to answer a ringing telephone —  and it’s my mom on the line.

Total buzzkill.

But I chat with her for a while anyway as the revelry continues around me, then hang up, light a Merit Ultra Light and mumble something like “If my mom could only see me now what would she think?” before downing like my 10th shot of Jim Beam.

"You know what she’d be thinking?" It’s one of the guys from Michigan. Or Syracuse. Or Emory. And he’s yelling to me from the other side of the table. "She’d be thinking about how proud she is to have a daughter with such an awesome personality."

Wait, what?!

So random and simple… and yet so totally mind-blowing.

Maybe it’s because it came from a complete stranger. Or because it was so unexpected. Or because it effectively stopped me in my tracks and forced me to view the moment differently.

Or maybe it was just because this dude had clearly never met my mother, who would most definitely have been more Team I-Didn’t-Raise-You-To-Drink-and-Smoke-and-Pick-Up-Strange-Men than Team Awesome Personality.

But what freaking EVER because for the moment I felt amazing and that’s what they invented the Decline button for, amiright?

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How am I just now finding out that they are making a movie out of Jem and the Holograms?
So bitchin!
Why?
Because Jem was, like, totally my favorite cartoon character back in the 80s you guys!
I watched her kick evil-doer ass every morning before I left for school, dreaming of the day when I, too, could triumph over bad guys while rocking a pair of magic star-shaped earrings and full face of glitter.
She totally looks like Kesha, dontcha think?
Still. Getting Miley to play this role would be TRULY outrageous.
Truly, truly, truly outrageous.
jemthemovie:

How am I just now finding out that they are making a movie out of Jem and the Holograms?

So bitchin!

Why?

Because Jem was, like, totally my favorite cartoon character back in the 80s you guys!

I watched her kick evil-doer ass every morning before I left for school, dreaming of the day when I, too, could triumph over bad guys while rocking a pair of magic star-shaped earrings and full face of glitter.

She totally looks like Kesha, dontcha think?

Still. Getting Miley to play this role would be TRULY outrageous.

Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

jemthemovie:

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That time you pulled up the tumblr sign-up page and saw your big shiny face staring back at you.
I totally need to hire a Glam Squad. 

That time you pulled up the tumblr sign-up page and saw your big shiny face staring back at you.

I totally need to hire a Glam Squad. 

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Don’t get me wrong.
I love Huck.
But I keep waiting for Nancy Botwin to waltz in and go ballistic on his ass while slurping ice coffee through a straw.

Don’t get me wrong.

I love Huck.

But I keep waiting for Nancy Botwin to waltz in and go ballistic on his ass while slurping ice coffee through a straw.

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When Tuesday acts like Monday #Keurigexplosion #goodtimes

When Tuesday acts like Monday #Keurigexplosion #goodtimes

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