This Is Why We Run

image

So there’s this blog post that’s been making the rounds this week about Visiting Day.

You know the one.

About the “Running of the Jews”?

Gotta say.

Something about it just doesn’t sit right with me.

Are you surprised?

Me too.

Because when the post first showed up on my newsfeed, I clicked on the link totally prepared to have one of those damnwhydidn’tIthinktowritethisfirst moments.

Only it never came.

I mean, the writing is witty and the piece is funny and — let’s be honest here — parts of it are undeniably true.

Because The Running is totally a thing.

Like, TOTALLY totally.

I know.

It sounds awful.

But until you’ve been there, until you’ve actually ran a mile in 3-inch wedges carrying a four-foot Dylan’s Candy Bar tower while simultaneously trying to keep your six-year-old from getting trampled, you really don’t know.

You think you know… but you actually have no idea.

Because what you don’t yet realize — couldn’t yet know — is that the minute your car begins it’s long, slow inch up the winding camp road, all the emotion that’s been building up over the last few weeks will slowly start to bubble to the surface until it smacks you in the face and takes over your entire body.

This is why we run.

We run because Visiting Day is the best day ever and the absolute worst. Because our kids seem at once totally the same and yet completely different. Because the day feels in turns surreal and all too real. Because it drags on forever and goes by in an instant. And then the hug hello is suddenly a kiss goodbye and the next thing you know you are back in your car as if the whole thing never happened.

This is why we run.

We run because the minute the camp comes into view we suddenly find ourselves incapable of singing along to the radio or holding even the simplest conversation.

We run because there are butterflies in our stomachs that unnerve us like high school seniors on prom night.

We run because everything our husbands say is wrong. And they way they are driving is wrong. And now we’ve officially lost cell service.

We run because the adrenaline makes our hands shake as we fumble for our iphones to repeatedly check the time. 10:01… 10:02… 10:04…

We run because the tears burn as they hit the back of our eyes the second we park the car and plant our first foot on camp soil. Tears that we don’t even notice falling freely down our face as we finally envelope our child and breathe in their familiar scent for the first time in a month.

And only when we do will we realize that in all this time, over all these weeks, we haven’t really been breathing at all.

This is why we run.

Not in a race against other parents.

But in a race to see our children.

Not to prove how much we love them.

But BECAUSE of how much we love them.

Is it ridiculous to buy your kid a $100 worth of candy they only have 24 hours to consume?

Guilty.

Is it crazy to stock a cooler with sushi and shrimp shumai and bagels and schmears when the camp is giving away free lunch?

Obviously.

And is it insane to rush the waterfront with a big ass beach blanket in order to secure prime real estate like it’s Christmas vacation at the Boca Beach Club?

Well duh.

Unless it’s Visiting Day.

In which case all of these things are completely excusable and in some cases totally mandatory.

You just might not realize it yet.

Because while you were busy getting the color war swag and the rainbow loom refills and the personalized stamps, you forgot about something way more important.

Something that starts with an “L” and ends with an “E” and no I’m not talking about licorice, athough you should totally bring that too.

I’m talking about love.

The unconditional kind.

And that’s what we are running towards.

We run towards it on shaking legs the minute the rope breaks without even realizing that we’ve started running.

We run towards it with pounding hearts and wet, cloudy eyes that barely register the determined strides of the parents on either side.

We run towards it like Toto… like Forrest… like Rocky and Apollo tearing up the beach.

Eye of the tiger, baby!

And yes we may have carts and coolers and tricked-out candy packages — all of which will be donated to Morry’s Camp for underprivileged children after 48 hours.

But that’s not why we are running.

We are running towards love for the simple reason that we know our kids are anxiously waiting for it on the other side.

Speaking of which.

If we’re being totally honest, we didn’t run on our first Visiting Day.

Because we thought we were too cool to run that’s why. And so we decided to take the high road and arrive fashionably late. By which I mean 45 minutes early.

Only in this case, the high road was already packed with cars about 300 deep. And so when the gates officially opened to signal the start of Visiting Day, we were still miles away from camp. By the time we finally made it to our daughter’s bunk, she had already taken off and was wandering around like a sad, lost puppy as cheerful reunions took place all around her.

How much do we suck?

Needless to say… we now get there early and run our freaking asses off.

I don’t need to be the first chick at the gate in the morning.

But I will never again be the last.

And if this makes me seem hysterical and over-the-top then I will happily own those titles any day of the week.

Because in the profound words of Icona Pop: I don’t care! I love it!

These are our children we are talking about here.

Our spirit animals, our hearts, our home.

So go ahead and run.

Or don’t run.

To each his own.

But please don’t rain on our parade.

Especially when you’ve never even been to it.

So yeah.
Let’s just get this out of the way right up front.
I’m about to recap a Dance Moms episode.
You heard me.
But see the 10-year-old is away at sleepaway camp for seven weeks and couldn’t possibly survive without her weekly dose of ALDC.
I mean, can you blame her?
How on earth can she fall asleep at night without knowing who was on top of the pyramid? Or who got a solo? Or who got cut from the group number? Or whose mom got drunk at the local bar next door and hit another mom in the face with her Louis Vuitton bag?
In another words… My kid asked me to send her weekly Dance Moms recaps and she’s the boss of me so here we are.
And if that actually makes me a Dance Mom then I will happily own that title.
Or at least I will totally pretend to so let’s move on.
For starters, let me just say this:
When a commercial for a plastic pink Bic razor is the best part of the episode you know there’s a problem.
And that problem has a name.
Candy Freaking Apples.
I may have added the freaking part.
But seriously?
Why does Lifetime think we care about this “Let’s give Cathy her own spinoff” crap?
Newsflash: We don’t.
And now that I’ve typed over 15 lines without actually starting my recap, here goes:
Previously on Dance Moms…
Abby heads off to LaLa Land to shoot Ultimate Dance Competition, Cathy recruits a new bunch of Apples, and yada, yada, yada… Abby sends Jill to spy on her.
Tonight’s ep begins with an Abby teaser. She’s still in LA, and she wants one of her dancers to come join her to appear on the Ultimate Dance Comp grand finale.
Is a grand finale the same thing as a regular finale?
Someone remind to google that later, K?
Anyway, Abby needs a girl who will dance flawlessly on the show, and I bet you a bazillion dollars you can’t figure out who she taps to join her out in Cali.
You’re right. It was Maddie.
But I totally had my fingers crossed when I made that bet so whatev.
Next we cut to the Candy Apples studio back in dull, gray Ohio, where Cathy unveils her pyramid rip-off, The Apple Tree.
Which is like, so totally creative except that it’s not.
I’m not even sure if you care who was on top of this thing, but I took actual notes with paper and pencil during this episode so I’m gonna go ahead and tell you.
On the tippy top of the Capple tree (that’s so what I’m calling it for now on!) is Nick.
Like, duh! I mean, you all follow him on instagram don’t you?
Right below him is Roadkill, followed by Nicaya, Zack and Jalen.
Don’t worry. No one else really knows who all these kids are either.
On the very bottom of the Capple tree is Mari. But don’t feel bad for her because poor little Campbell Soup wasn’t even on the tree. Like, at all. Because Cathi kicked her out of the group dance last week, remember?
In the words of Stephanie Tanner, How rude!
I mean… doesn’t Cathi realize that soup is good food? She could have at least stuck Campbell’s picture on a low hanging branch or something, amiright?
Anyway, if you’re still reading… solos this week go to Jalen and Mari, one of whom Cathi plans to cut from the team. A duet goes to Roadkill and Nick. And the small group dance is a Hip Hop number called “So Chic” that will be choreographed by Anthony. Who has worked with Rihanna! And Beyonce! And Katy Perry! And if all of this is really true, then why on earth is he here slumming it with Cathi and her Capples?
Remind me to google that later too.
So Anthony tries to get the boys to do push ups and they all freak out. Then he tries to discipline Jalen, and Jalen’s dad freaks out. Then he tries to get Roadkill to wear a huge headpiece for her duet and Roadkill freaks out. And then he calls Cathi a joke and Cathi freaks out.
Does anyone else see a pattern here?
Doesn’t matter. Because Jalen messes up his triple pirouette and comes in 9th, Mari forgets part of her dance and comes in 8th, the small group places 2nd, Roadkill’s duet with Nick wins first prize, and we still don’t care because we just want to see the girls from ALDC!
Finally — FINALLY! — we cut back to Abby in LA and we get to watch Maddie perform on the Ultimate Dance Competition Grand Finale.
Did she perform a lyrical number?
Duh.
Was it flawless?
Totes.
And am I sitting at my desk right now totally imitating her intensely dramatic facial expressions?
I think you already know the answer to that.
Tune in next week when Christi, Kelly and Patsy return to dispel rumors and discuss the show with Dance Moms bloggers and Superfans.
And BTDubs… I am SO not bummed they didn’t ask me to be on that episode.
You believe me, right?

So yeah.

Let’s just get this out of the way right up front.

I’m about to recap a Dance Moms episode.

You heard me.

But see the 10-year-old is away at sleepaway camp for seven weeks and couldn’t possibly survive without her weekly dose of ALDC.

I mean, can you blame her?

How on earth can she fall asleep at night without knowing who was on top of the pyramid? Or who got a solo? Or who got cut from the group number? Or whose mom got drunk at the local bar next door and hit another mom in the face with her Louis Vuitton bag?

In another words… My kid asked me to send her weekly Dance Moms recaps and she’s the boss of me so here we are.

And if that actually makes me a Dance Mom then I will happily own that title.

Or at least I will totally pretend to so let’s move on.

For starters, let me just say this:

When a commercial for a plastic pink Bic razor is the best part of the episode you know there’s a problem.

And that problem has a name.

Candy Freaking Apples.

I may have added the freaking part.

But seriously?

Why does Lifetime think we care about this “Let’s give Cathy her own spinoff” crap?

Newsflash: We don’t.

And now that I’ve typed over 15 lines without actually starting my recap, here goes:

Previously on Dance Moms…

Abby heads off to LaLa Land to shoot Ultimate Dance Competition, Cathy recruits a new bunch of Apples, and yada, yada, yada… Abby sends Jill to spy on her.

Tonight’s ep begins with an Abby teaser. She’s still in LA, and she wants one of her dancers to come join her to appear on the Ultimate Dance Comp grand finale.

Is a grand finale the same thing as a regular finale?

Someone remind to google that later, K?

Anyway, Abby needs a girl who will dance flawlessly on the show, and I bet you a bazillion dollars you can’t figure out who she taps to join her out in Cali.

You’re right. It was Maddie.

But I totally had my fingers crossed when I made that bet so whatev.

Next we cut to the Candy Apples studio back in dull, gray Ohio, where Cathy unveils her pyramid rip-off, The Apple Tree.

Which is like, so totally creative except that it’s not.

I’m not even sure if you care who was on top of this thing, but I took actual notes with paper and pencil during this episode so I’m gonna go ahead and tell you.

On the tippy top of the Capple tree (that’s so what I’m calling it for now on!) is Nick.

Like, duh! I mean, you all follow him on instagram don’t you?

Right below him is Roadkill, followed by Nicaya, Zack and Jalen.

Don’t worry. No one else really knows who all these kids are either.

On the very bottom of the Capple tree is Mari. But don’t feel bad for her because poor little Campbell Soup wasn’t even on the tree. Like, at all. Because Cathi kicked her out of the group dance last week, remember?

In the words of Stephanie Tanner, How rude!

I mean… doesn’t Cathi realize that soup is good food? She could have at least stuck Campbell’s picture on a low hanging branch or something, amiright?

Anyway, if you’re still reading… solos this week go to Jalen and Mari, one of whom Cathi plans to cut from the team. A duet goes to Roadkill and Nick. And the small group dance is a Hip Hop number called “So Chic” that will be choreographed by Anthony. Who has worked with Rihanna! And Beyonce! And Katy Perry! And if all of this is really true, then why on earth is he here slumming it with Cathi and her Capples?

Remind me to google that later too.

So Anthony tries to get the boys to do push ups and they all freak out. Then he tries to discipline Jalen, and Jalen’s dad freaks out. Then he tries to get Roadkill to wear a huge headpiece for her duet and Roadkill freaks out. And then he calls Cathi a joke and Cathi freaks out.

Does anyone else see a pattern here?

Doesn’t matter. Because Jalen messes up his triple pirouette and comes in 9th, Mari forgets part of her dance and comes in 8th, the small group places 2nd, Roadkill’s duet with Nick wins first prize, and we still don’t care because we just want to see the girls from ALDC!

Finally — FINALLY! — we cut back to Abby in LA and we get to watch Maddie perform on the Ultimate Dance Competition Grand Finale.

Did she perform a lyrical number?

Duh.

Was it flawless?

Totes.

And am I sitting at my desk right now totally imitating her intensely dramatic facial expressions?

I think you already know the answer to that.

Tune in next week when Christi, Kelly and Patsy return to dispel rumors and discuss the show with Dance Moms bloggers and Superfans.

And BTDubs… I am SO not bummed they didn’t ask me to be on that episode.

You believe me, right?