suburb/babble

Village Whiskey at Revel AC. Burgers. Oysters. Fried freaking...

Mon, 28 May 2012 10:36:06 -0400

Village Whiskey at Revel AC. Burgers. Oysters. Fried freaking pickles. So excited to go put my bikini on now #not

Totally digging the live music situation at the Margate Dairy...

Fri, 25 May 2012 21:59:02 -0400

Totally digging the live music situation at the Margate Dairy Bar.

Here we go again..!

Fri, 25 May 2012 13:50:45 -0400

Here we go again..!

I wonder what I would have been doing today. If things had...

Tue, 22 May 2012 10:52:00 -0400

I wonder what I would have been doing today.

If things had turned out differently.

Would I be busy planning a party?

Would it have been a surprise?

Would we be taking him out to dinner?

Or just celebrating here at home?

Would there have been hot fudge sundaes?

Candy oranges slices?

Pink and white packs of Good N Plenty?

Would the kids have been all excited?

Busy making cards?

Would we have toasted him with Diet Pepsi?

Because that was the only thing he drank.

Or would we have popped some champagne

And then lovingly forced him to take a sip?

Would I be watching him open presents

The way he is watching me here?

While thinking about how lucky I was

Just to have him in my life?

Or would I simply have been living in the moment.

Not a single care in the world?

These questions don’t have answers.

But that doesn’t stop me from wondering.

What I would have been doing today.

The day he would have turned 70.

Right now.

Right this second.

If.

My Mustache Brings All The Boys To The Yard

Mon, 21 May 2012 23:43:00 -0400

So it was my daughter’s 10th birthday this weekend.

By which I mean she won’t actually turn 10 until August.

But by then she’ll be away at camp for the summer.

And since turning 10 is kind of a big deal we decided to celebrate a few months early by throwing her a ‘Stache Bash in the backyard.

I meannnn.

How freaking cute are these little dudes?

I wish I could take some of the credit, but this theme was all the nine-year-old.

So how’d we get this straight-up crew of girlie girls to man up for the day?

For starters, when they first arrived we had them change into plain old Hanes wife beaters, which they then accessorized with colorful duct tape “suspenders.”

Then we handed out stick-on ‘staches, glittery bowler hats and big oaktag neckties and markers and let them get their Project Runway on.

We also gave each girl a name tag and had her choose a new manly moniker to help get into character.

Stand-outs included: Charlie Swordfish, Shamalama Dingdong and — my personal fave — one Mr. Bob Toilet.

Transformation into Boys in the ‘Hood = Complete.

Also?

As each girl came in we may or may not have had her pose with the birthday girl on a custom step and repeat.

What?

You only hit double digits for the first time once, so you might as well do it on a red carpet.

Or at least on a 3 x 4 piece of one lying on your kitchen floor.

This Hollywood moment came courtesy of redcarpetrunway.com, by the way.

And yes.

This bad boy is still set up in my kitchen.

Because why just stumble out of bed every morning to grab a cup of coffee when you can turn it into a full-scale, paparazzi-worthy production?

Think about it.

Anyway.

Once the girls were finished with their fifteen minutes, we shifted gears with a balloon-shaving race that ended in a huge shaving cream fight.

Because boys will be boys, duh!

So we hosed off our future WWE contestants and moved onto The Stache Dash, a relay race event where the kids attempted to paint mustaches on each other.

While blindfolded!

Watch the resulting hilarity ensue!

Next up:

“I Mustache You A Question.”

Are you thinking that I’m as good as making up game names as Andy Cohen?

Because I’m thinking that OPI could turn this one into a nice shimmery brown polish.

You know you would totally buy it.

Anyway.

For this challenge the girls had to race to answer mustache-themed pop culture riddles on dry-erase paddles.

Here’s an example:

“Name the ‘stache-wearing dude who plays his real-life daughter’s dad on a TV show where she is a rockstar teenager who gets the best of both worlds.”

The answer was Billy Ray Cyrus in case you’re still pondering that massive run-on sentence.

Or “Hannah Montana’s Dad!” if you’re my 39-year-old brother who’s so excited he knows the answer that he can’t help but blurt it out, effectively leaving a bunch of bewildered nine-year-olds in the dust.

Here’s another one for you:

“This healthy drink is good for your bones and can give you a temporary mustache… got it?”

This contestant’s answer was just a tad off the mark:

Priceless!

You just can’t make this stuff up!

I mean I could.

But I didn’t.

You know what I did make up?

This tricked out birthday cake, yo!

True story.

See, the nine-year-old is ridiculously opinionated when it comes to cake. Meaning she only likes the kind that costs $18 at SuperFresh and is smothered in white icing that tastes nothing at all like icing but actually a little like whipped cream.

So I went ahead and ordered her a blank half-sheet, hightailed it over to Michael’s to score a bunch of pre-colored fondant, then went home to get my Cake Boss on.

I’ve never worked with fondant before and it was definitely challenging but somehow still fun, although — full disclosure — that could have been the four glasses of wine. Even so, it took me until one o’clock in the freaking morning to finish this sucker.

And I’ve got the dark circles under my eyes to prove it.

Meanwhile, in addition to the cake I thought it would be kind of cool to carry out the mustache theme with a self-serve milk-and-cookie bar.

Or, you know… a veggie smoothie and cookie bar.

See what I did there?

The cookie bar was a HUGE hit with the Stache Bash posse, and so simple to organize that I highly recommend it for your next fake birthday party.

I unearthed most of the props you see here on etsy, including the water bottle labels, cookie favor bags, chalkboard stands, and the handcrafted burlap banner.

But my hands down favorite accoutrement (!) was this cute little “Even my milk mustache is awesome” sticker that I found on zazzle.

Are you digging the milk mustache on this five-year-old version of the birthday girl?

I was, too… until the current nine-year-old model went and pointed out that there wasn’t actually any milk on the milk-and-cookie bar.

Oops.

My bad!

And now, for my last trick of the day, I give you …

The amazing Photobelle Photo Booth!

Stick one in your backyard and watch every guest at your party disappear inside!

No joke.

I scored a groupon for Photobelle a few months back and figured the ‘Stache Bash would be the perfect place to test it out.

To say that the kids had a blast vamping for the cam with all the killer props would be a ridiculously crazy understatement, so I’ll just go ahead and let the pictures (which the kids took home as party favors, and which owners Jamille and Reggie also posted in a gallery on the Photobelle facebook page before the end of the night) speak for themselves.

See what I mean?

We even managed to squeeze the entire fam into the booth for a few shots.

Because the family that gets their photo booth freak on together, stays together.

And if that’s not already like a law or something then it totally should be!

Now that this post is officially longer than the party, I’m off to go pick the kiddos up from school.

So that’s a wrap!

You know I’d love to stay and chat some more.

But now I really mustache.

Oh please.

Like you didn’t totally see that coming.

Who’s ready to get their ‘Stache Bash on?

Sun, 20 May 2012 21:02:39 -0400

Who’s ready to get their ‘Stache Bash on?

Strawberries and champers for breakfast. Cuz she’s three...

Sun, 20 May 2012 21:01:01 -0400

Strawberries and champers for breakfast.

Cuz she’s three and that’s how she rolls.

Guess who’s all into making his bed now? Him: “Hey,...

Wed, 16 May 2012 20:28:29 -0400

Guess who’s all into making his bed now?

Him: “Hey, Mommy! Look what I did!”

Me: “Dude that’s awesome! Great job. You rock!”

Him: “So are you gonna give me a promotion now or what?”

I am a huge believer in karma. Which I is why I read...

Tue, 15 May 2012 22:37:00 -0400

I am a huge believer in karma.

Which I is why I read bethsdimples post about shopping cart non-returners with a substantial pang of guilt.

Why?

Because I am one of them.

True story.

So just go ahead and take me out back and shoot me right now and get it over with, okay?

Truth?

It has not always been this way.

Because way back before I had wrinkles and grey hair and, um, kids, I was a diligent cart returner.

Like, every single time.

Unless, you know, there was a ridiculous downpour and I just did my hair and I parked really far away.

But that totally doesn’t even count.

And even now, when I am out shopping without with my kids, I revert to my old cart-returning ways:

Load trunk, close hatch, march cart over to the corral like a good little suburban housewife.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

But when I’m out shopping with my kids?

Please.

Load trunk, close hatch, prop cart up on that white thing that divides the parking spaces, hop up into SUV and ride off into the sunset, safe in the knowledge that my kids are happily scarfing fruit roll-ups in the backseat.

Look.

We’ve all heard the stories of the mom who let go of her kid’s hand or turned her back or walked away for just one split second at the mall or the grocery store or in Rockefeller freaking Center.

And then she turned around and her kid was just… gone.

So no.

I am not going to leave my kids unattended in my car in a parking lot for even the mere six seconds it would take for me to stroll my cart down to the metal corral and shove it in.

I choose instead to let it languish on that damn divider in the sun, or in the rain or in the mother-freaking snow, and if you want to go ahead and judge me for that, so be it.

As for that nasty fruit roll-up habit?

I’m working on that one, okay?

Honesty. Is it really the best policy? Discuss. I do smell...

Sun, 13 May 2012 11:12:09 -0400

Honesty.

Is it really the best policy?

Discuss.

I do smell like awesomeness though.

Mother’s Day means getting to watch E! Fashion Police on...

Sun, 13 May 2012 10:38:44 -0400

Mother’s Day means getting to watch E! Fashion Police on sunday morning instead of whatever show happens to be on over at the Disney Channel.

Look who I just ran into trying to sneak into my bedroom!...

Sun, 13 May 2012 10:36:06 -0400

Look who I just ran into trying to sneak into my bedroom!

Check out the smiley face they made out of the toasted bagel and cheese omlette.

Photo

Sun, 13 May 2012 09:52:39 -0400

Game over.

Sat, 12 May 2012 23:02:45 -0400

Game over.

Highlight Reel

Sat, 12 May 2012 22:58:00 -0400

Ok.

So in case you didn’t get a chance to catch tonight’s Phillies game, I put together some highlights.

First we got some ice cream.

Then some water ice.

Then we went hat shopping.

And made a pit stop at Chickie & Pete’s.

Then we stopped for a five-minute souvenir

That we bought with the matte, even though it totally came out looking like Valerie Bertenelli.

And oh yeah.

There were some people playing baseball.

Oh you know. Just chillin on the dugout.

Sat, 12 May 2012 21:55:50 -0400

Oh you know.

Just chillin on the dugout.

Mommy! Look! They have that lemonade here you like!

Sat, 12 May 2012 20:05:35 -0400

Mommy! Look! They have that lemonade here you like!

Pre-gaming for the Phils at Chickie &...

Sat, 12 May 2012 19:47:00 -0400

Pre-gaming for the Phils at Chickie & Pete’s.

Gratuitous picture in the parking lot.

Hey Time Magazine! I may have only breastfed for three...

Sat, 12 May 2012 11:01:45 -0400

Hey Time Magazine!

I may have only breastfed for three months.

Ok, fine.

Six weeks.

Or maybe five.

And only with one kid.

Not both.

But my six-year-old still wakes up every single night and crawls into bed with us.

He also steals the covers, my beauty sleep and much of my sanity.

So hey, I must be doing something right!

Or, you know, very terribly wrong.

And my daughter?

Well it’s 10:18 pm and she’s still up eating Cheeze-Its with us on the sofa and watching Freaky Friday.

The Lindsay Lohan version.

That is, like, SO Mom Enough!

Also?

I totally wrote this sign backwards.

On the very first try.

And I wasn’t even breastfed!

Oh and hey… guess what?

Did you know “Mom” spelled backwards is still “Mom”?

Crazy, right?

You know what “judgemental assholes” spelled backwards is?

Yeah, well, me neither but I think you get where this is going.

Photo

Fri, 11 May 2012 22:37:32 -0400